Arctic Munkey's Short Story
"Stinking, Sawtooth X's, Gamma's, Emperor cursed Warp 2! I hate it!" Lieutenant Purgatory flung his DWO to the ground.
"Sure isn't like the Warp 0 of home," agreed Trooper ken le survivant, turning to look at the Lieutenant while he used his Gimmo to saw through a Space Blue Gamma that charged in without warning.
"Can't understand how anyone can fight in this," added Trooper Gurjit. He waved his scanners at the dense hollowness of space in front of his viewing bay.
Just then, a movement rustled the scanners of Lieutenant Purgatory's radar to the right and the squad spun round, DWO's at the ready. For a moment it was impossible to see what caused the disturbance. Then a burly figure appeared out of nowhere, his ship being covered with the greatest of cloaks. Five other soldiers followed him into view where Purgatory's squad sat, waiting.
"Been listening to your boys for half an hour. You sure make one hell of a racket," their leader drawled. "Lucky there ain't no Pantalones nearby, they'd have been on you quick as a forgone on a newb."
"Thanks for the advice, Sergeant..." Purgatory said sourly.
"No, Captain. Captain Desert Rat, Leader of Infinite Dreams," the newcomer replied, his eyes blazed pure white as they stared out from the telecom. "You trying to link up with Imperium bases?"
"Yessir! Seems like this damn Warp 2 doesn't want us to get there though," Purgatory answered quickly.
Desert Rat gestured to his squad who started to efficiently cut away the Monochrome Tints blocking the trail.
"How does anyone survive in this hellhole?" Gurjit asked half to himself.
"This ain't nothing, boy!" laughed Desert, his pearly teeth shining though the telecom.
"Yeah that's right. you Infinite Dreamers come from the deepest hellhole in the galaxy.." ken said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
"That's right, boy!" Desert exclaimed, turning his gaze to Ken. "We're from the worst place you could imagine, worse than anything this little place has got to offer."
"Yeah, yeah. Two-hundred foot Big greens, Forgones that pOOn joo in one.... We heard the stories already," Ken grumbled.
"That's just what you off-warpers know, boy. Let me tell you about the real Warp 3," Desert drawled with a lop-sided smile. "You boys been here for 3 days but I wouldn't give you more than 1 hour in Warp 3. You don't have to worry about the large critters you've heard about. You can hear 'em coming miles away and they're easy to avoid. It's the little things that are the real danger. Them Zebucarts, for one; about the size of your thumb and they don't wait till you're dead to start feeding. Seem 'em strip a ship to the last bolt in an hour. Termites are about as bad. They dig their way into your ship then secrete ooze that numbs where they bite, so you don't feel a thing. They crawl their way under your skin and into your blood-stream to lay their eggs. The eggs get spread all 'round your body. Then when their young hatch, they start eating at your brain, your heart, your bones. Ain't nothing no one can do to save you from the termites if they get in.
"But this place is just warp 2.. nothing special," he told them.
Desert looked to where his men had eliminated the AI. "Better get moving, boys." he told them, pointing along the now clear trail. "You don't want to be out here at dark. Not with them pantalones around. See ya'll!"
As Lieutenant Purgatory started up his ship and set off along the trail, he glanced up at the telecom, and saw Desert rat give a friendly wave before switching off the screen. Then he merged with space once more....
Nothing against imperium.. first team i thought of. And im sure you wouldn't have a problem in warp 2 or 3 :D.
